If you are:
Then you probably don’t need a checkup, need to see a relationship therapist or go to couples counseling.
Moments or a few days of not “doing well as a couple” does not usually indicate a problem if you are able to work through that.
Moments or a few days of not talking (much), if you can both tolerate that, and you are eventually able to let go of the feelings and, if needed, you are able to talk about whatever happened or needs to be discussed, would usually not indicate a need to see a couples therapist.
A few days of small stuff bothering you, if you get over it, if you let go of it, if you don’t feel lingering resentment, most likely would indicate that you probably don’t need to see a relationship therapist.
If you have big issues that come up now and then, you get stuck on them, but if you can move to resolution most of the time, you probably don’t need to see a couples counselor. Sometimes couples have a rough time, but are actually working through to the resolution of their problem. Not reaching resolution may be ok now and then, but for some key issues (an issue that is very important for one of you) you probably need to get resolution, or you might need the help of a couples therapist.
Violence or abuse indicate that you need couples therapy. Tearing down the other indicates you need couples therapy. Not talking a lot indicates a need for relationship counseling.
Dr. Robert G. Kraft is a career psychologist in Omaha, NE. He earned his doctorate, as well as his bachelors and masters before that, from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, and has practiced in Nebraska ever since.
As well as maintaining his practice, Dr. Kraft is an Associate Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Creighton University School of Medicine, where he teaches residents about psychotherapy.