There are many valuable books about sex, sex therapy, and their role in a couple’s relationship and in couples therapy (some good examples: Passionate Marriage, Intimacy and Desire, Resurrecting Sex, all by David Schnarch). And so the question comes up, “Will we have to talk about sex?” No, you do not have to talk about your sexual relationship in couples therapy. But it is important to add that you may want to or you may need to. One example of a couple that doesn’t need to talk about sex in couples therapy is when both partners are satisfied with the sexual relationship. If both of you are satisfied with how things are going sexually, then you most likely will not bring it up and the focus of your sessions will be on the issues you bring and not sex. If either of you (or both of you) are having a problem with your sexual relationship, then it may well come up and become one of the focuses of your work.
What might be some good reasons for sexual issues to come up in couples counseling? Simply put, if either of you have a problem with sex, that is a good reason to bring it up and work on it in couples therapy. Many couples put up with less than satisfactory sex because they don’t know that sex/couples therapy can help, that it helps make sex better. Many couples don’t realize that they could improve their sexual relationship if it is mediocre or less than what they are wanting. Many people have difficulties talking about their sexual relationship and shy away from talking about the minor or major issues that may reside in this area. Sex therapy can help the majority of couples find better satisfaction in their sexual relationship and can help with erection problems, rapid orgasms, delayed orgasm, desire problems, sexual pain, arousal issues, and lubrication problems.
If the couple moves to having a better sexual relationship and feeling better about each other, it often helps with getting through the other issues that come up. Bonding to each other, being intimate with each other, feeling connected goes a long way for couples. Is that something you want more of in your relationship?
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